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Est. Overall Band Score
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Relevance to Prompt
task response
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Appropriate Word Count
Assess the logical and coherent organization and connection of ideas in the essay.
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coherence & cohesion
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Supported Main Points
coherence & cohesion
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coherence & cohesion
Evaluate the richness and accuracy of the grammar used in your essay.
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Detailed Feedback
Introduction
“Nowadays in worldwide nations, every moment, we are displayed advertisements on TV shows, magazines or huge LED boards situated on intersections. In what methods they are produced or how much producers care about ethical trend to making them? I believe they intent to have more watcher to earn more money regardless to its consequences.”
Feedback
- Task Response/Task Achievement: The introduction provides a general context about advertising but lacks a clear thesis statement that directly addresses the prompt. It should explicitly state your position regarding the ethics of advertising. For example, “I strongly agree that many advertising methods are unethical and unacceptable in today’s society.”
- Coherence & Cohesion: The flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed. Using transitional phrases could help connect thoughts more effectively.
- Grammatical Range & Accuracy: There are grammatical issues such as “intent to have more watcher” → “intend to have more viewers” and “regardless to its consequences” → “regardless of its consequences.”
- Lexical Resource: The vocabulary is basic; consider using more sophisticated language. For example, “worldwide nations” could be replaced with “countries around the world.”
Rewrite suggestion
“In today’s globalized society, advertisements are ubiquitous, appearing on television, in magazines, and on large LED screens at busy intersections. However, the methods used to create these advertisements often raise ethical concerns. I strongly believe that many advertising strategies are unethical and unacceptable in today’s society, as they prioritize profit over ethical considerations.”
Body Paragraph 1
“In first point of view, some families my does not need something that is displaying on tv, but as home wife see the advertisement will feel that is a good idea to have it and decide to buy it immediately. In another case, there is families who have young offspring who mentally is not wise enough to perceive everything in family situation. Therefore, they will have high demand while they are watching a new toy advertisement. Begging his parent to purchase it and crying all time. As a result his poor father will be finally obliged to buy the toy.”
Feedback
- Task Response/Task Achievement: The paragraph presents an example but lacks clarity and depth. The argument could be strengthened by discussing the impact of such advertisements on consumer behavior and family dynamics more thoroughly.
- Coherence & Cohesion: The points are not well-organized. Consider using clearer topic sentences and linking phrases to improve flow.
- Grammatical Range & Accuracy: There are several grammatical mistakes, such as “some families my does not need” → “some families may not need,” and “his poor father will be finally obliged” → “his father may feel compelled to buy.”
- Lexical Resource: The vocabulary is quite simplistic. Phrases like “home wife” could be replaced with “homemaker,” and “high demand” could be better expressed as “increased desire.”
Rewrite suggestion
“From one perspective, some families may not need the products advertised on television. However, a homemaker who sees an advertisement may feel compelled to purchase the item, believing it to be a good idea. Additionally, families with young children, who may not fully understand family finances, often experience increased desire when they see advertisements for new toys. Children may beg their parents to buy these toys, leading to situations where parents feel compelled to make purchases they may not have otherwise considered.”
Body Paragraph 2
“In second point, they may use psychological weaknesses; for example, by displaying a young lady with fitness body who is using some stuff on show to attract people for the good. It may apparently not so bad, but if we go deep in down will understand that how it may have an effect of youth brain and corrupt it. Or by using a charming sentences on cigarette box “the ideal of a manhood” as a person see this advertisement on the box, will feel himself on his dreams and will buy it.”
Feedback
- Task Response/Task Achievement: The paragraph introduces another point but lacks specificity. More concrete examples and analysis of the psychological effects of advertising would strengthen your argument.
- Coherence & Cohesion: The organization could be improved. Use clearer topic sentences and transitions to enhance coherence.
- Grammatical Range & Accuracy: There are grammatical errors such as “In second point” → “In the second point” and “the ideal of a manhood” → “the ideal of manhood.”
- Lexical Resource: The vocabulary is repetitive and lacks sophistication. Consider using terms like “manipulate” instead of “attract.”
Rewrite suggestion
“In addition, advertisers often exploit psychological vulnerabilities. For instance, by featuring an attractive woman with an ideal physique using a product, they aim to manipulate viewers’ perceptions. While this tactic may seem harmless, a deeper examination reveals its potential to negatively impact young people’s self-esteem and body image. Furthermore, advertisements on cigarette packages that promote messages like ‘the ideal of manhood’ can lead individuals to associate smoking with masculinity and success, prompting them to make unhealthy choices.”
Conclusion
“In conclusion, the advertisement makers, regardless to the bad effects the advertise may cause on people, will made them due to make their customers satisfying. But it may have bad consequences on society which due to avoiding this trend i suggest authorities make some plans for the circumstance to check and control advertisements before showing up.”
Feedback
- Task Response/Task Achievement: The conclusion summarizes the argument but lacks a strong final statement. It would benefit from reiterating your main position more emphatically.
- Coherence & Cohesion: The flow is somewhat choppy. Consider rephrasing for better clarity and coherence.
- Grammatical Range & Accuracy: There are grammatical issues such as “regardless to the bad effects” → “regardless of the negative effects” and “will made them due to make their customers satisfying” → “create advertisements to satisfy their customers.”
- Lexical Resource: The vocabulary is quite basic. Phrases like “bad effects” could be replaced with “adverse consequences.”
Rewrite suggestion
“In conclusion, advertisement creators often prioritize profit over the potential negative effects their advertisements may have on consumers. This trend can lead to significant societal issues. To address this, I suggest that authorities implement regulations to monitor and control advertisements before they are aired, ensuring they do not exploit vulnerable populations.”
Argument Improvement
Task Type: Opinion (Agree or Disagree)
Key Tips
- Clearly state your position in the introduction.
- Use specific examples to support your arguments.
- Conclude with a strong statement that summarizes your viewpoint.
Suggested Structure
- Introduction
- State the prevalence of advertising.
- Present your thesis: “Many advertising methods are unethical.”
- Body Paragraph 1
- Discuss how advertisements influence consumer behavior.
- Example: Advertising targeting families and children.
- Body Paragraph 2
- Examine psychological manipulation in advertising.
- Example: Use of idealized images and slogans.
- Conclusion
- Summarize your position.
- Suggest regulatory measures to control unethical advertising practices.
Grammar & Vocabulary Correction
| Error | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| “…some families my does not need…” | “…some families may not need…” | “my” is incorrect; it should be “may” to indicate possibility. |
| “…as home wife see the advertisement…” | “…as a homemaker sees the advertisement…” | “home wife” is not standard English; “sees” should be in the present tense. |
| “…will have high demand while they are watching…” | “…will have a high demand when they watch…” | “high demand” needs an article; use “when” for better flow. |
| “…crying all time.” | “…crying all the time.” | Missing article “the.” |
| “…his poor father will be finally obliged…” | “…his father may feel compelled…” | “obliged” is not the best choice; “compelled” is more appropriate in this context. |
| “…by displaying a young lady with fitness body…” | “…by displaying a young lady with a fit body…” | “fitness body” is not a common phrase; “fit body” is more standard. |
| “…if we go deep in down will understand…” | “…if we delve deeper, we will understand…” | “go deep in down” is awkward; “delve deeper” is more idiomatic. |
| “…charming sentences on cigarette box…” | “…charming phrases on cigarette packages…” | “sentences” is not the right word; “packages” is more accurate. |
| “…as a person see this advertisement on the box…” | “…when a person sees this advertisement on the package…” | “see” should be “sees” for subject-verb agreement. |
| “…will feel himself on his dreams…” | “…will feel connected to his dreams…” | “feel himself on his dreams” is awkward; “connected to” is clearer. |
| “…the advertisement makers, regardless to the bad effects…” | “…the advertisement creators, regardless of the negative effects…” | “makers” is less formal; “negative effects” is more precise. |
| “…i suggest authorities make some plans for the circumstance…” | “…I suggest that authorities implement regulations to address this issue…” | “i” should be capitalized; “implement regulations” is more formal and clear. |
| “…to check and control advertisements before showing up.” | “…to monitor and control advertisements before they are aired.” | “showing up” is informal; “aired” is more appropriate in this context. |
Topic-Related Vocabulary
| New Word | Word Type | Definition |
|---|---|---|
| Manipulation | Noun | The act of influencing someone unfairly. |
| Exploitation | Noun | Taking advantage of a situation or person. |
| Deceptive | Adjective | Misleading or dishonest. |
| Vulnerability | Noun | The quality of being open to harm. |
| Regulation | Noun | A rule or directive made and maintained by an authority. |
| Psychological | Adjective | Related to the mental and emotional state. |
| Consumerism | Noun | The preoccupation with buying goods. |
| Advertising Ethics | Noun | Moral principles that govern the advertising industry. |
| Manipulative | Adjective | Characterized by unfairly influencing others. |
| Target Audience | Noun | A particular group of consumers aimed at in advertising. |
Grammar Enhancement
| Grammar Structure | Original Sentence | Rephrased Sentence |
|---|---|---|
| Present Perfect: has/have + past participle | “In what methods they are produced…” | “In what methods have they been produced…” |
| Passive Voice: be + past participle | “the advertisement makers…will made them…” | “the advertisements…are often created…” |
| Complex Sentence: subordinate clause | “As a result his poor father will be finally obliged to buy the toy.” | “As a result, his father may ultimately feel compelled to purchase the toy.” |
| Conditional Sentence (Type 1): If + present simple, will + verb | “they will have high demand while they are watching…” | “If they see the advertisements, they will develop a high demand…” |
| Gerund Phrase: verb + -ing | “by using a charming sentences on cigarette box…” | “by using charming phrases on cigarette packages…” |
| Relative Clause: who/that/which | “by displaying a young lady with fitness body who is using some stuff…” | “by displaying a young lady with a fit body who uses a product…” |
Cohesion Enhancement
| Original Text | Improved Text | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| “…In first point of view,…” | “…From one perspective,…” | “From one perspective” is clearer and more formal. |
| “…but as home wife see the advertisement will feel that…” | “…however, a homemaker who sees the advertisement may feel that…” | “however” is a better transition word than “but.” |
| “…In second point, they may use psychological weaknesses…” | “…Additionally, advertisers may exploit psychological weaknesses…” | “Additionally” improves the flow between points. |
| “…by displaying a young lady…” | “…for instance, by displaying an attractive young woman…” | “For instance” provides a clearer example introduction. |
| “…it may apparently not so bad…” | “…this may not seem harmful at first glance…” | “At first glance” is a more idiomatic expression. |
| “…as a person see this advertisement on the box…” | “…when a person sees this advertisement on the package…” | “When” provides a clearer connection between cause and effect. |
| “…but it may have bad consequences on society…” | “…but it may lead to negative consequences for society…” | “Lead to negative consequences” is more formal and precise. |
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Revised Essay
(Based On Your Ideas)
In today’s global society, advertisements are ubiquitous, appearing on television, in magazines, and on large LED boards at intersections. The methods employed in creating these advertisements often raise questions about their ethical implications. I contend that many advertisers prioritize viewer engagement and profit over ethical considerations, which can lead to negative consequences.
Firstly, some families may not need the products being advertised; however, a housewife might see an advertisement and feel compelled to purchase an item that she perceives as beneficial. Additionally, families with young children often face challenges due to their offspring’s limited understanding of family dynamics. Children exposed to advertisements for the latest toys may develop intense desires, leading to persistent requests and emotional outbursts. Consequently, parents may feel pressured to acquiesce and buy the toy, regardless of their initial intentions.
Secondly, advertisers frequently exploit psychological vulnerabilities. For instance, showcasing a fit young woman using a product may entice viewers to believe that purchasing the item will enhance their own appearance. While this tactic may seem innocuous at first glance, a deeper examination reveals its potential to distort the perceptions of young people, adversely affecting their self-esteem. Similarly, using alluring phrases on cigarette packaging, such as “the ideal of manhood,” can mislead individuals into associating smoking with aspirational qualities, driving them to make unhealthy choices.
In conclusion, advertisement creators often overlook the adverse effects their campaigns may have on society, focusing instead on customer satisfaction and profit maximization. To mitigate these issues, I recommend that authorities implement regulations to scrutinize and control advertisements before they are broadcasted. This approach could help ensure that advertising practices align more closely with ethical standards, ultimately benefiting society as a whole.
Sample Essay
(Band 8.5 – 9.0)
In contemporary society, advertisements play a pervasive role, infiltrating our lives through television, print media, and digital platforms. The ethicality of the methods used in advertising has sparked significant debate, with many arguing that they are often unethical and unacceptable. I largely agree with this viewpoint, as many advertising strategies prioritize profit over the well-being of consumers.
To begin with, advertisements frequently manipulate consumers’ emotions and desires. For instance, families may not require certain products; however, an advertisement can create a sense of need. A housewife, upon seeing a compelling advertisement, might impulsively decide to purchase an item, believing it will enhance her family’s quality of life. Furthermore, children are particularly susceptible to advertising. When exposed to advertisements for trendy toys, they may develop a strong desire for these items, leading to persistent pleas to their parents, who may ultimately feel obligated to satisfy their child’s demands.
Moreover, many advertisements exploit psychological weaknesses. For example, portraying an idealized image of a fit individual using a product can create unrealistic expectations for viewers. This not only misrepresents the product’s efficacy but also contributes to a distorted self-image among young people. Additionally, the use of enticing slogans on products like cigarettes—such as “the essence of masculinity”—can mislead consumers into associating smoking with positive attributes, which can have detrimental health effects.
In summary, the advertising industry often prioritizes financial gain over ethical considerations, leading to negative consequences for society. To address these concerns, I advocate for stricter regulations that monitor and control advertising content, ensuring that it adheres to ethical standards. Such measures would promote a healthier relationship between consumers and the products being marketed, ultimately fostering a more responsible advertising landscape.
PROMPT
RESPONSE
OVERALL BAND SCORE: 0.0
Task Response: 0.0
- Relevance to Prompt: 0.0
- Clarity of Position: 0.0
- Depth of Ideas: 0.0
- Appropriateness of Format: 0.0
- Relevant & Specific Examples: 0.0
- Appropriate Word Count: 0.0
Explanation
Coherence & Cohesion: 0.0
- Logical Organization: 0.0
- Effective Introduction & Conclusion: 0.0
- Supported Main Points: 0.0
- Cohesive Devices Usage: 0.0
- Paragraphing: 0.0
Explanation
Lexical Resource: 0.0
- Vocabulary Range: 0.0
- Lexical Accuracy: 0.0
- Spelling and Word Formation: 0.0
Explanation
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 0.0
- Sentence Structure Variety: 0.0
- Grammar Accuracy: 0.0
- Punctuation Usage: 0.0
Explanation
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